No More Drama
This post is strictly for those who desire to practice a more healthy form of parenting with their ex. If you are ready to turn the page on the unnecessary arguments, hurt feelings, and confusion regarding your child’s well-being, then read on. I am a firm believer that once you know better; you will strive to do better. So, look below and see if any of these points apply to why there is drama in your co-parenting relationship.
You are CONFUSED. Yes, YOU are confused. You may be confused about the difference between being a romantic partner and a co-parent, the difference between being a co-parent and a friend or the difference between your ex and your child. Many people parent in a state confusion because we believe that there are no rule books or guidelines concerning parenting. Well….that’s not true. Many people have written books concerning parenting, single parenting, co-parenting, stepparenting, divorce, and anything else that you may be going through at the moment. These books may have good advice and suggestions that help you clarify your current situation, while allowing you to develop new ways of interacting with your ex and your child. So maybe you don’t like to read… (not a good look if you are a parent…but let’s just say you don’t) then you should seek and find parenting role models. Are there any parenting relationships that you admire? Are there parent-child relationships that you admire? Ask these people how they do it? What suggestions do they have for your current situation? Listen to them and integrate their advice. Being clear about your role as a parent, an ex, and a co-parent will greatly diminish the drama in your co-parenting relationship.
You are ANGRY. The relationship is over. It ended. Your co-parent is not doing what you want/need them to do. You are worried about your child. You are ashamed that you are at this place. You may be confused about what to do. You need help. You don’t know why your ex is acting like this. You may be overwhelmed. Yes…all of these things may be going on and everything else (like work, school, and day to day stuff)…so yup, You are MAD. You may have the right to be angry. Anger is one of those of tricky emotions. Often we are angry because of another emotion like feeling disrespected, neglected, rejected, confused, or overwhelmed. While another emotion maybe fueling anger, a person will only display anger because the mask of anger is a scary one. Showing a scary mask to your co-parent can cause them to respond in fight or flight. So, work through your anger on your own time and with friends, a therapist, or someone who cares enough to help you heal. When dealing with your co-parent, manage your anger to get things resolved.
You are UNRELIABLE. Authors create drama in a story by taking a reader through something unexpected. While surprises are great for stories, movies, and roller coasters, it is not the best way to co-parent. When it comes to co-parenting you should say what you mean and DO what you say. Your word is your bond, not only to your child but to your co-parent as well. Think before you speak, mind what you say, and do what you say so your co-parenting relationship will be smoooooth.
You have UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. A realistic expectation is something that is achievable. For something to be achievable, it should be based on the abilities of the person. What does this mean? It means that you should not expect someone to do something that they have never shown you they can do. Thus, don’t expect them to read to your child if you’ve never seen them read. Don’t expect them to be responsible if they have never been responsible for themselves (such as never lived on their own, maintained a job for more than a year, etc.). Do expect them to do and be what they are. This expectation requires a serious and honest conversation with yourself. Determine what you think your co-parent can do by reflecting on what they have done for you and themselves throughout your relationship. Ask them if they are willing to do these things. If there are some things that you might really need their assistance with, then see if they can provide it. Try to reach an agreement and expect only these things. Once you have realistic expectations, not only will the drama in your relationship decrease, but your anger and confusion will also.
You are not FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. You got 99 problems and your lack of money is 1 through 90. Being financially dependent on your co-parent is a setup to a setback. While I do not believe that money is power, I do believe that being able to provide for you and your child financially is empowering for both you and your child. Consistently begging, requesting, and asking for money from your co-parent creates an imbalance in the co-parenting relationship. One parent may feel that they do everything for the child while the other feels they pay for everything. Not being able to provide money consistently for your child financially may increase your level of stress, confusion, and anger. Thus, making some smart money moves may decrease the drama in your co-parenting relationship. Here are some links to ways to make more money:
http://singleparents.about.com/od/financialhelp/tp/earnextraincome.htm
http://www.ehow.com/info_8277327_businesses-single-mom-start.html
So here are the five reasons that your co-parenting relationship may have drama! Hopefully, you have some ideas about how you can decrease them. Parenting is exciting and can be very rewarding. Working on improving your co-parenting relationship will free up space and energy in life to hopefully be able to enjoy parenting even more.
